Deviate
by Miles Above My Head
Summary: Natara's tried at love. Natara's failed at love. Mal's tried at marriage. Mal's failed at marriage. They think, just maybe, they can make it work if they try it together. Can they? Or will things turn around to mimic their previous relationships in cruel ways? Please read my intro. c: It's long but I love you. T for language.
1. There's a Note

_Greetings from me. So, I apologize sincerely for dropping off the face of the earth for so long. I also want to apologize for my writing abilities, or lack thereof for that matter. I seem to have not finished a good 90% of the stories I've written for this fandom, and I'm sorry because I probably won't, ever. I still hope to finish _Passed Away_, because it was written for someone else and I feel terrible that I'm letting you down. So I've been feeling guilty for several reasons. First off, because of my lack of writing anything for you lately. I'm not sure if you've even noticed because I've seen a lot of new faces on here that probably haven't even read my stories, so they wouldn't know anyone was missing. But I've been writing - drumroll - an actual story of my own with my own characters. Not that I've never tried that before, because obviously I have, but this one is going really well. It's called _The Pacifists _and it's partially based on the French Revolution. Secondly, I am guilty I haven't finished any of my stories, which haven't been particularly long either. That is why I'm writing this one, which I hope to make longer than usual. I have my reasons. Thirdly, I apologize for my most recently uploaded fanfic, _Choose_. (To be fair, I did warn you that you would hate me for writing it.) For those of you that haven't read it, it was an Oscara story. I'm sorry. I was laying in bed at the beach and thinking "You know, Oscar isn't so bad. He's actually sort of sweet and handsome. No one in this fandom gives him any credit. Maybe someone should. I sort of even _like _Natara and him together. They're kind of sweet. They make a nice couple. WAIT AM I SHIPPING OSCARA? Eh, I'm not even sorry." And thus, _Choose _was born. I wrote the ending first, on my phone, at three a.m. after thinking all of this and scolding myself mentally. I'm still not sorry, I think they're adorable together and I'm starting to ship them harder than Mal and Natara. But I doubt EA will let them happen, and I'll cry. But everyone will laugh at the ONE Oscara shipper (me) and will party while I cry. I don't even care. c:_

_So after all of that, I realized that what I hate more than anything else is the feeling of guilt. It, like, _weighs _on you and slowly crushes you into sad oblivion. So that is why I'm going to make this (or try to make this) a longer fanfic than I've ever written. Longer chapters, more chapters, more exciting, the whole ten yards._

_I would just like to say hello and welcome all of the new writers that I'm just meeting since I've been half-dead for a while now, and say I love your stories. I'm one of those readers that seldom reviews, mostly due to pure laziness. (Yes, I'm the queen of lazy and procrastination.) And I usually read on my phone, and I'm rarely ever signed in on there. So if I really have the need to review, sometimes it's anonymous. I hardly ever log in just to review. So, even if I haven't reviewed your story, I read pretty much every single one I see and I love them all. You're all fantastic writers and I am continuously beaming with pride to be a part of the Cause of Death fandom._

_And now, please, enjoy my newest addition to my messy collection of fanfics, _Deviate.

* * *

**Deviate  
Chapter One – There's a Note**

_Tell Natara I'm sorry._

"Oh my God. What do we do?" Amy cried. "What do we-? …Mal?"

Mal Fallon felt his knees shaking and he sat heavily in the chair next to him. His hands were shaking in anger and the paper in his hand rattled.

"Mal?" Amy repeated uncertainly. "…are you okay?"

"I'm going to _kill _him," Mal whispered shakily. "I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him."

"Well just hold on a minute!" Amy said. "We have to find Natara! We need to tell her!"

"No!" Mal yelled. "No, we can't! How could we hurt her like this?"

"Mal, it isn't us hurting her," Amy said gently. "It's Oscar."

"_They were supposed to get married tomorrow_," Mal yelled, louder yet. "_How _could he just _leave _her?"

"Mal," Amy whispered urgently. "Please calm down. Natara will be here any minute. How…how are we going to tell her?"

"I don't know," Mal answered. "How do you tell someone their fiancé ditched them the day before their wedding?"

* * *

Flash forward four years, I sit on my bed in my house. My fiancé is out in the living room, going through last minute details for our wedding, which will be in exactly two days.

I try not to think about the last time I was engaged; the last time I was someone's fiancé.

My ring glistens on my finger as I move my hand so it catches the light. It was the prettiest ring I'd ever seen. I remember the night I got it.

"_Nat," he said, down on one knee. The wind whipped through my hair. We were on the pier where we'd first met. His bangs blew across his face and I swept them away with my finger, a tear running down my face._

"_I love you," he had continued. "I love you more than anyone. I didn't know if I would be ready for this; I was so terrified. I knew we both had bad experiences with this kind of stuff… But I thought, maybe if we really tried, we could get through it together. I love you so much more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, Natara. I never, never want to lose you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you do me the honor of being my bride?"_

I smile as a tear slips out from between my eyelashes at the same time in my memory I begin crying.

"_Yes," I had said. Yes._

"I'm scared," I whisper to my ring. "I love him, but I'm scared and I'm talking to a ring. I'm not good at this. Any of this. This relationship, wedding, love stuff." I laugh, despite myself. "I suck at it."

I need Amy right now; I need my best friend. Well, obviously Mal is my best friend, but he's the last person I want to think I'm having doubts about everything. But I can't talk to Amy; none of us have in years. I wanted her to come to the wedding so badly. We don't know where she is.

"Mal," I say quietly. I peek around the corner into the living room and see him sitting in his favorite chair reading the paper. His eyes are narrowed angrily. "Mal? Can we talk about…?"

"Can you believe this? These _idiots _in the paper…"

"What happened?" I ask uncertainly.

"There's this man in the paper who was engaged to a woman. And the day before the wedding, she said something to him and he got angry that she didn't 'trust him' or some bullshit and he put a bullet through her head."

"Wait, what?"

"I know! I mean, that's bad but the fact that it was because she didn't trust him? That's just awful."

"Um…so Mal?" I hesitate and wait until he looks up from the paper at me.

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to talk to you…about the wedding."

"Sure, love. What about it?" he asks.

"I'm sort of, um, worried about it. Well just scared I guess. Are you?"

"Mmmm. I guess so," he answers distractedly.

"Like, I mean, you've actually had a failed marriage, and I can't imagine how hard this is on _you _if it's this bad for me. I just…you aren't having any second thoughts are you?" I stop when I see the look on his face.

"You think," he begins, voice dangerously low, "that I would leave you? Like _he _did?"

I gulp, aware of the passive reference to my previous fiancé.

"So what if I am? You aren't telling me you aren't worried I will cheat on you like Sandra did."

"I would never imagine you would cheat on me," he says coldly. "The thought had never entered my mind. But clearly it's all you've been considering. Haven't you thought at all about what it would be like if _nothing _went wrong?"

"No," I say quietly. "I haven't. I'm scared."

"Well now I am too," he says and stands up. "I'm scared that you aren't ready for this. Maybe it was a mistake."

"No, Mal!" I cry. "Please, I didn't want to talk to you about this at all. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," he says coldly. And he walks right out the door.

* * *

Today is the day before my wedding. I think I'm handling things pretty well considering everything that is going wrong. Mal hasn't spoken to me since last night, and after he came home, he slept on the couch. My phone rings and I answer, slightly distracted.

"Hello?"

"Natara? You're getting married tomorrow."

"Dad? Really?" I answer sarcastically and sigh. "I wasn't aware. Must've slipped my mind."

"Natara, listen to me," he says, ignoring my comments uncharacteristically. "I can't come."

"What?" I perk up immediately. "What do you mean?"

"I can't make it. Work things. I'm sorry darling. I'll make it up to you."

"Right," I say. "You can't give me away at my own wedding, but you'll '_make it up to me_'. It's fine. Everything else is going wrong, I should have expected you to bail." I hang up the phone, uninterested in his excuses any more.

"Mal?" I call into the house. "Mal, can we talk quick? I know you're mad but I really need the final decision on the…" I walk into the kitchen and see a note on the counter, but no Mal.

_Good_, I think. _He's finally done something useful and gone to the store. We have had nothing but eggs and milk for days_.

I leave the note and go to shower and get dressed for the rehearsal dinner. As I pull my curled hair up, I try not to remember the last time I did this.

_I had walked into my apartment where I knew Mal and Amy were waiting for me. Amy was going to help me get ready for the rehearsal dinner and Mal would be there because he was Mal. He was always there for me, and he wouldn't miss this._

"_Hey, guys!" I called, closing the door behind me. "So I was thinking we start with my makeup, Amy, and then do my hair. I know this isn't the real thing, but I still want everything to be perfect, you know. …Amy?"_

_I had found them in my bedroom, sitting on the bed. Amy looked like she had been crying. Mal sat in stony silence. When I entered, they both looked up. Mal stood stiffly and walked over to me._

"_Natara," he said._

"_Hey! What are you guys doing? I need to get ready! This is so exciting!" I laughed. Neither of them smiled. "Well?" I asked expectantly. "Are we…are we starting now?"_

"_Natara," Mal repeated gravely. "Nat…Oscar's gone."_

I finish with my hair and pull on my red dress, pushing those thoughts from my mind. Mal was perfect. He was right; he was no Oscar. Nothing was going to go wrong this time.

I glance at the clock on the wall above my dresser. It's already four o'clock. I had made Mal promise this morning that we would be there on time. We were sort of expected, being the guests of honor and all. I assume he had heard me, although I didn't actually get a response. He knows how important this is, right?

I try his cell phone about twelve times, but after the first seven calls he appears to have turned it off. That's odd. I go back into the kitchen for some water and pick up his note.

_Natara,_

_I love you. I always have and always will. I know how hard this is for you, but if you're actually thinking that I would do the same thing that asshole Oscar did, you obviously don't know me well enough to be marrying me. You aren't ready, I get that. I'm doing this for you. We shouldn't do this if you aren't ready. I won't let you ruin your life until you're sure you want to be married._

_I love you, and that's why I'm leaving. Maybe I'll come back. When you're ready._

_When I'm ready._

_When we can handle this. Goodbye._

_-Mal._

The note shakes in my hand and my vision goes black.

* * *

_In other news, who out there likes _ponies_? _My Little Pony _ .win. FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, guys, FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. Never forget._

_Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I like books._


	2. When You're Ready, I'll Be There

_Hello again. I wrote this before any reviews came in (obviously assuming I actually get some reviews. I don't know. Sometimes I don't. That's when I cry. :c Just kidding but it makes me rather sad...) and before anyone read chapter one, and I'm typing this author's note at a similar time. So, greetings from the past. I'd just like to say I hope you enjoy/enjoyed chapter one and I hope you like this chapter as well! I'm really enjoying writing this and it isn't that difficult, in fact, to write longer chapters. I don't know how these live up to your standards, if they're short compared to others (I'm sure they are), but I'm proud of myself. _

_My Little Pony, My Little Pony...I used to wonder what friendship could be...  
Sorry I got a tad distracted there. But seriously guys, the ponies. The magical unicorns. THE PEGASI._

_I'm just picturing Mal and Natara as ponies. Oh my God, yes. That would be perfect. Ponies are lovable and beautiful and perfect._

_Anyway, sorry about that pony fangirling there. I was ponygirling again. :3_

_I hope you enjoy this chapter, please, please enjoy it. If you don't, I suppose that's okay. Can you please review anyway? c; Why, you may be asking, should you review when I admitted myself that I rarely review? Because, my dear pony, why would you want to be like me? I'm a fifteen year old junior in high school talking about ponies and singing to my dog on a Friday night, uploading a fanfic. If you've read any of my author's notes, you'll know yourself that I'm clearly insane. :D So please, please review if you'd like to make my day. Also because I love you all so, so much. You're all, pretty much, my best friends. I LOVE you._

_Friendship is magic,  
Sami._

* * *

**Deviate**

**Chapter Two – When You're Ready, I'll Be There**

_When you're ready._

God, my head hurts. Why does my head hurt so badly? I can't quite remember what… Oh. That's right.

Mal left. We're getting married in ten hours. Or, we were.

Maybe if I get up, he'll be at the rehearsal dinner. If he isn't there, I'll come home and go to bed, and when I wake up, I'll get dressed and go to the church and he'll be there. He'll be waiting for me. He has to be.

He loves me.

That is the one thing I am sure of now. That is the only thing that runs through my brain. It courses like energy through my body and runs like the blood through my veins. It is the reason I get up.

Mal wouldn't leave. He would never leave me if he loves me, and he does. He'll be there.

I stand helplessly staring around the kitchen. Mal and I picked this very house out together. He loved it. Mal.

He wasn't going to come. My memories come back quicker and I remember every word of the note he left.

_I'm leaving because I love you._

If he loved me, he wouldn't leave. Right? He wouldn't. So he mustn't have left. Or he doesn't love me. Hopefully the former.

I can find him. I can apologize. It was all a mistake; I'm not afraid to marry him. I'm afraid to lose him. We can still do this.

Where would Mal go to get away? To hide from me? I am fairly confident that he has told me all of his secrets. So, he would probably go somewhere he forgot he told me about. Or somewhere he is confident I've forgotten about by now.

I scan my oldest memories of Mal. I think back to when we first met. We weren't very close then, so he didn't tell me anything much. I fast forward to the first time we talked outside of work. When I began considering him a friend, and letting him in a little more. What had he said?

"_Are you upset?" I said worriedly, not wanting to upset him._

"_Upset about what?" he asked, unaware._

"_About Sandra. That your marriage didn't work out."_

"_Oh that," he said, tensing. "Yeah…Well, of course I am. My marriage fell apart; who wouldn't be a little upset? What do you really want to know?"_

"_Well," I said slowly. "I just think that maybe you're more crushed by it than you let on. I think you're hiding how you really feel. You know you can always talk to me, right? I know I haven't known you as long as Ken and you might not feel like you can confide in me, but…"_

"_Natara." He looked at me seriously. "You are the very first person I would go to if I needed to confide in someone. You are the first person I would trust to tell someone anything." He hesitates. "I guess I am more than a little upset. I loved Sandra and it hurt when I found out everything. It hurt a lot."_

_He looked at me curiously for a second and his face softened. "But I just need to keep moving forward," he said quietly. "I can't live in the past, and I don't want to anymore."_

"_I think that's good," I replied gently. "Moving on is always good. Do you do anything when you're upset about it? How do you cope?"_

"_You sure are a nosey one." He smiled. "I usually go to this one place my dad and I went when I was little. It's sort of our secret place…"_

_I felt my face drop a degree and felt a twinge of unwarranted jealously. I think he noticed._

"_But I'd love to tell you about it."_

_The place he'd referred to was about an hour drive from the precinct, he'd told me. It was on the outskirts of San Francisco, on the border of a large forest. If you walked past three certain trees and turned just so, a small log cabin would come in to view. That cabin was abandoned. Inside, Mal's father kept small snacks and a few drinks, just enough to sustain a single person for about a week. If you walked out the back door of the cabin and passed about a half mile of trees, heading due east, you would come to a mountain. There was a path up that mountain that no one traveled, and it went to a side of the mountain that no one experienced except Mal and his father. The perfect place to think over things, good or bad._

"_We call it," he finished, "Sunrise View."_

I have to check. I have to know if he's there. I wonder for a second if I might come off as obsessive if I go there now; if I should let him calm down for a bit before going, but I'm too afraid. He might remember telling me and leave before I get a chance to see him.

He probably doesn't remember telling me. I've noticed he blocks out a lot about his dad, even just talking about him. I usually try not to pry, but it's hard. I'm curious.

I walk to my room and pull my dress off, which is drenched in sweat. My nose crinkles in disgust.

"_That's adorable."_

"_What?"_

"_You." Mal laughed._

"_Me? What do you mean?" I scrunched my nose up in annoyance and made a face. "I'm not adorable."_

_Mal laughed harder still. "When you make that face! It's the cutest thing I've ever seen."_

"_Mal," I grumbled and felt my face grow hot. "Stop."_

"_I'm just saying," he said and went back to whatever he was writing at his desk._

_Fifteen minutes later, a note fluttered onto my desk and I looked up curiously. My eyes met Mal's and he winked, grinning. I opened it._

You're so beautiful. _That's what it said._

_I felt a blush creep up my cheeks once again and felt him standing in front of my desk, but I kept my head down. After several long seconds of silence, I managed to glance up at him. He seized the opportunity, gave me a peck on the lips, and said, "And I love you, by the way. Forgot to put that on there, but I felt you ought to know."_

_Then he went and sat back down, resuming writing, like he wasn't the sweetest man in the whole world. He tried to be tough and he was great at acting the part, but he truly was the softest, cheesiest person I've ever met._

I shake my head as I pull on pants and a clean t-shirt. It vaguely occurs to me everyone will be expecting us at the rehearsal. I jog back to the kitchen and carefully fold Mal's note and slip it in the pocket of my jacket, pulling it on over my shirt. No one needs to find that, if they come looking. Then, I grab a pen and a pad of paper and write

_Mal and I are okay.  
Just went out for a bit.  
No reason to worry, we'll be back for the wedding tomorrow.  
Sorry about the rehearsal. I know you all went to such trouble.  
Much love,  
Natara_

Hopefully that will convince them, and whoever comes by won't think a mass murderer dropped by and forged that or anything. If I'm lucky, they'll send a rookie to pop in and check on us. Or better yet, they'll assume we just stayed in and decided not to come.

An hour later, I'm on the edge of Tall Pines Forest, the forest that holds a secret, abandoned cabin, a secluded mountaintop, and, I pray, my fiancé.

I stop inside the cabin when I get to it. There are several bottles of water and even some beer in a cooler by the old fireplace. I assume there is some food in one of the cabinets, but I don't check. I don't know how many supplies there were originally, so I can't judge if Mal stopped by or not. One thing does bother me, though. There is enough to sustain him for several days. He doesn't need to come back.

_Oh God, Mal. I hope you're here somewhere._

I decide to try the mountain, since it's my only lead. I walk for a little before it suddenly looms into view. The trees were so dense that I didn't see it until I was startlingly close. It isn't _too _big, so I decide to set out immediately.

Even so, it takes me another hour to get to the top, by which point I'm fearing it will be dark soon. I don't know exactly what time it is, but the sun is slowly setting.

I round another few bends and am suddenly standing on the very top of the mountain. I peer around for a brief moment at the, probably breathtaking, view, but don't register much of it. I just see a small, hunched figure sitting over at the other side. I take a deep breath.

The sun waves its final goodbye and we are left in near darkness.

I approach and he doesn't notice, not yet.

"You should've called this place Sunset View, not Sunrise," I say as well as I can, struggling to make my voice not shake.

I watch as he jumps at the sound of my voice and his head slowly turns around. I step forward a few feet hesitantly until I can see his face clearly. And in his eyes, I see something that I never expected. Not at all.

Fear.

* * *

_Hello, my loves! I just wanted to say again that I hope you had a good time reading this. I love writing because I just picture how everyone interprets it differently when they read it, and I love that. I love how everyone's mind thinks it over differently and everyone thinks something different about everything. I think that's fascinating. So I hope your mind processed this in a positive and loving way and that you liked how it came out!_

_Please review and let me know how you and your brain liked it! Because we are the Cause of Death fandom and we are the nicest, best, most friendly, happy people on here and I _know _you want to review and tell me if you liked or didn't like it. Let me know your thoughts and how you think it will turn out and everything! I'd love to know how you interpreted everything! I'm always happy to see how everyone's brain read this. :3 I love you!_

_-Sami_


	3. Truth or Lies

_Thank you so much for the reviews, my loves. :3 They all made me so incredibly happy! I'm going to try to review everything that I read now. And for those of you that said I was a good writer, thank you _so _much! You're all wonderfully talented writers as well. Arise and be, all that you dreamed, all that you dreamed. Quick apology. I very much apologize for the way this is going to turn out. But it will. Well, maybe not. I haven't decided yet, actually. But there _will _be a twist, I promise. And as to your question, beautiful reviewer, yes, I am officially an Oscara shipper, which does _not _mean that I will stop writing Mal and Natara fanfiction because I happen to be quite the people-pleaser. I just think Oscar and Natara ...go better together? Is that the word? I don't know how to explain it. I was just picturing Mal's personality and Natara's personality and picturing them together and yeah, that's cute. But it just doesn't feel like a husband-wife cute. More like a high school love cute. They work better together as best friends, partners, teasing each other, all that. I just don't see them dating, really, I don't. Maybe I will when Cause of Death writes it (assuming they will, because they will. I assure you that, dear readers.) It's just, and no offense, when I read these fanfics about Mal interrupting the wedding and everything or them getting together (including the ones that I write, of course) they just don't seem very ..._realistic_. Maybe that is just me. But I just don't think Mal will come to the wedding and speak up when they say to "speak now." How do I think it will happen? Honestly? I'm thinking Natara will see that Mal doesn't like Blaise, or he'll tell her that. Then he'll say something sweet about how, maybe, he doesn't like her type. He would like someone like Natara more. Or something along those lines. Maybe I'll write something about that quick, so you get the idea. Later, perhaps. I just don't honestly believe that Mal is ostentatious enough to interrupt the wedding if he thinks Natara is happy. She did say yes after all, how is he to know she only did it because of Blaise and him?_

_And about the italic flashbacks? I'm sorry that it's confusing for you to understand. I sincerely apologize for that. But that's how flashbacks are generally written and I like how it looks that way. Just try to remember that when the words go all slanty, it's the past. c; I'm sorry it confused you! I hope this chapter is more understandable, even though I still used italics, I don't think it's too confusing. It's just that one large bit in the middle of the story. Just be sure to look out for those italics! I know it sort of blends in...sorry, dear! :c_

_In other news, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I think it's a little shorter than my last two, as is the next one. But I think I got my point across. There aren't as many flashbacks in these next two, but they are sufficient. I hope you like. c: Please, review, my friends. It means the _world _to me, I promise you. I know everyone says that they cry or scream when they get reviews or whatever, but I'm not joking. When I wake up and have, like, three reviews, I start crying and texting my friends. What I'm trying to say is that I pretty much fangirl over you guys. So thank you._

_I am your biggest fan._

_I hope you enjoy the chapter, loves. You're all such fabulous readers, even the silent ones. I appreciate the reviews, even though there aren't many. I love you so much. Thank you for reading my story. I love sharing my writing with you. Thank you, thank you._

_Thank you._

* * *

**Deviate  
Chapter 3 – Truth or Lies**

I lift my head slightly and frown at my surroundings. Where am I? My neck aches, probably from the angle I was sleeping on, and I reach back to rub it. My hand hits flesh that doesn't belong to me and I jump slightly. Something beneath me groans.

"What the hell, Nat?"

"Sorry," I say quickly, remembering last night's events. "I forgot where I was for a second. How are you?"

"Fine. Are you leaving soon, then?" I turn to look at his face and he glares at me. "I thought I made it clear I wanted to be alone for a while."

"I can't believe you left me the night before our wedding. You left me, just like him." I gasp. "Our wedding! It's in a few hours!" I say, leaping up. "You…you are coming, aren't you?"

"I don't know, Nat," he says gently, also getting to his feet. He puts a hand on my cheek and rubs his thumb in tiny circles. I close my eyes and feel a tear fall. He wipes it away. "Go get ready, alright love?"

I nod slightly but don't move. "You'll be there, right? It's…it's at five, you know. Don't forget, Mal. Please, please don't leave me."

"We'll see, darling. We'll see."

I frown but nod again and turn to leave, stopping at the door and looking at him again. His hair was tousled from sleeping on the cabin floor and his eyes were shining a deep blue as usual. The fear was gone from them, replaced by exhaustion. He looks up and sees me still standing there.

"Mal," I say, barely audible. "I love you."

He nods but says nothing more, effectively dismissing me. I leave.

The drive back seems quicker than it had when I was anxious about finding Mal. Now I'm just anxious about getting married, or whether I will be, for that matter. He seemed upset. Well, not even upset, really. He was…_afraid_, and I don't know why. Why would he be afraid to see me? He was just sitting there, watching the sun set. Even after he had known it was me standing there and not a stranger, he was afraid, I could tell. He shouldn't be afraid of his probably-bride-to-be.

I get in the house and lock the door behind me precautiously. I stay for a while, just standing in front of that door, fighting off tears. Eventually, I lose my will to cry and take a small step forward. Where do I even begin to get ready? Mal told me to come get ready, so that must mean he'll be there. It must. He wouldn't ever lie to me.

"_Mal, what's the biggest lie you've ever told?"_

_We were stuck in the precinct, waiting for Kai to give us the results of the fingerprint scan. It was late and almost everyone had gone home, so instead of sitting in Mal's office we were in the bull pen. I sat crosslegged on a table and Mal sat below me on the floor. We were bored. I had said that it reminded me of sleepovers from when I was little, so naturally Mal had suggested truth or dare. He asked me about my first crush and I'd dared him to ask Kai about his fanfics. He had come back fifteen minutes later in a bad mood with a scowl on his face, which made me laugh._

"_Yeah, yeah," he'd growled. "Truth or dare?"_

"_Hm," I teased. "Which could you do the least revenge with? …I'm going to have to say…."_

_Just then, Kai had come bounding up the stairs from the lab._

"_Hey, I figured you guys were playing a game! Can I play? Please, please, please?"_

"_Dare," I finished firmly._

"_Okay." Mal grinned broadly. "I dare you to kiss the geek."_

"_No! I pick truth instead."_

_Mal rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you can't change again. What's your biggest hidden secret?"_

_I think for a moment before confidently saying, "That, when I was little, I wanted to be a model."_

_Mal burst into raucous laughter which took several minutes to subside, by which time Kai was prepared._

"_Malachi, truth or dare?"_

_Mal narrowed his eyes for a minute, looking at me. I just shrugged and gave him a "let's just humor him, please" look. He sighed._

"_Truth."_

"_What's the biggest lie you've ever told?"_

"_I pick dare," he said hastily._

"_You can't change your mind!" Kai exclaimed angrily._

"_Natara got to do it once, so do I!" Mal argued. Kai sighed, defeated._

"_Fine." He shot an evil, mastermind grin at Mal. "I dare _you _to kiss Natara."_

_Several angry protests and one kiss later, Mal sat across from me, grinning sheepishly._

"_What?" I sighed. "Was it really that torturous?"_

"_No," he said, grinning. "Not at all."_

"_My turn," I said, looking away from him, blushing. "Mal?"_

"_Truth," he said confidently._

"_Mal, what's the biggest lie you've ever told?" I asked, still curious._

_He gulped. "I thought I said I wouldn't answer that. Dare. I pick dare."_

"_You can only change once, you said," Kai told him seriously. "You can't break the rules!"_

"_It's truth or dare!" Mal cried, exasperated. "There aren't real _rules_."_

"_You have to tell us," I said gently. "Go on, how bad could it be?"_

"_You'll be kissing Kalaba for this one," he muttered angrily and I laughed. "Okay well…" He hesitated and I stepped in to help him out._

"_First, who did you tell it to? Maybe that will make it easier to start."_

_He frowned at the ground. "You."_

_My eyes narrowed. "When did you lie to me?"_

"_When you started dating Oscar," he said. "When you asked why I was so upset lately. I told you it was nothing. I wasn't upset."_

"_You lied that you weren't upset? That isn't that big," I protested. "You didn't want to talk about it, that's okay."_

"_No." He cleared his throat. "I just didn't want you to be mad. I was upset because…because you were going out with him."_

"_Oh," I breathed. And then there was an awkward silence for a while until Kai decided to go check on the fingerprint results again._

My hair is pulled up in a fancy bun, but some stray curls framed my face. My makeup is simple, just how Mal would like it.

My dress is…beautiful. That is the only way to describe a dress like this. I picked it out because I knew Mal would think it is perfect, and I wanted him to love it. I wanted him to know I was beautiful today. He says I'm beautiful every day, but he has to say that because he loves me.

Loved me.

The drive to the chapel is short, but feels like an eternity, wondering if Mal will be there. I obviously can't see him before the ceremony begins, and that will kill me. I need to know if he's going to show up.

We are lined up at the back of the chapel and the procession in front of me is too long. Too long, so I can't see if Mal is standing up front. But he has to be. If he wasn't, they wouldn't be starting yet, right? Oh my God, they're _starting_. What if he isn't here? If he is…we're getting married. But is that what I want? What is he doing to me? He doesn't even care that I'm scared…scared of marriage, of relationships, of love itself. I'm terrified.

Just as the line shortens enough that I'll have a glimpse at the front of the chapel, the door behind me opens. Cold, outside air rushes in and I shiver and turn around. Someone was coming in late, their head down to shield their face from the brittle winter air.

The head looks up and peers around anxiously, looking for someone. Finally, those searching eyes find mine and stick.

"Natara!"

"Amy?"


	4. Speak Now

_Hello, my darlings! I think I'm doing rather well with the "longer chapters" promise! I'm expecting this to be several more chapters long, although how many exactly, I can't be certain. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, all of you. For all of your reviews, for all of your support, for just reading my story. I thank you. Also, I'm not entirely sure of how this story is going to turn out. I'm sort of just going with it as I write it. Any other writers on here will know, the characters speak for themselves. Sometimes I just wish I could make Mal kiss Natara and say he loves her and they could get married and be happy or vice versa with Oscar. But honestly, Natara is so stubborn and has her problems, as does Mal. It's awful. I feel so bad for them, that they can't be happy. But they just ... they speak for themselves. They act like themselves. They're so stubborn!_

_In other news, I now know the My Little Pony theme song by heart. Naturally._

_I honestly do not know what to say now. My author's notes have been so incredibly long in this story. I swear, they're the same length as the story, I bet. But anyway, I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. _I love you._ c: You should always tell everyone you love them, because it's true. Everyone is so special in their own ways. I want you all to be so happy and to enjoy life. You're all such amazing people. I wish I could personally know each and every one of you. You're so great, and I just know you from the reviews you leave. I can't imagine how wonderful you are to the people around you. So, thank you, dearest readers. Thank you for being so inspirational and helpful and kind. Thank you for being amazing people. Thank you for existing. :3_

_This chapter might annoy some people; I don't blame you in the slightest. Men these days. I can't even. But anyway, I know the men in this chapter are complete asses, but it's okay. I'm planning to make it all work out in the end. Well, I hope so. I don't really know, because I had this idea. It was a crazy, little idea for the ending of this whole thing. But if I write it, you'll hate me. It doesn't really directly involve Oscar, and yet..._

_I don't think you'll be pleased._

_On another note, I apologize sincerely for my slightly angry review to the anonymous reviewer on my story, _Choose_. I just don't take criticism very well. Trust me, I ranted about it to my friends for a good hour or so. Just kidding. That review didn't bother me so much; they usually do, though. I don't know why that one didn't bother me an insane amount; it was odd, I must admit. But it was nice, not getting all worked up about what someone thought, for a change. Lovely change. c:_

_But anyway, thanks again for being great people. Thank you so much. I want you all to keep writing your fanfics because it entertains me greatly to read them. They're all so wonderful and you're so creative! I can't even believe what great story ideas you all have! (And I've noticed some people are starting to include Oscar in a slightly better light, which I would like to claim credit for. Oscar deserves a life too! Great job!) I wish I had such great ideas; I'm so jealous of your creative brains!_

_I really hope you enjoy this chapter a lot. It isn't one of my favorites, personally. It's alright, of course. But I can imagine some people will be hating me afterwards because of the men's attitudes. Ugh._

_Please, enjoy! If you feel up to it, please review! I've been working on reviewing other people's stories! So please, please, please, my loves, please review! They all make me so happy and make me smile for hours!_

_Friendship is magic, of course,  
Sami._

**Deviate  
Chapter Four – Speak Now**

I strain my neck and try desperately to see over the people in front of me. I am very aware of the presence of my best friend, Amy Chen, behind me, but I don't have time for welcomes right now.

"Natara?" she says uncertainly. "Is something the matter?"

"No, no," I say breezily, waving my hand. "It's great you could make it. You can just…sit anywhere." I strain my eyes harder, but the people in front of me seem intent on remaining a blockade between myself and the front of the chapel.

"You seem a bit…stressed."

"It's a wedding," I say. "It's a lot of work."

"Um, okay. I guess I'll go find a seat quickly, then," she replies, obviously crestfallen.

I turn to her and take her hands. "I'm so sorry, Amy. I'm really thrilled that you're here. I wanted you here more than anyone else…" Except Mal, of course. I'd be positively glowing if I knew he were here.

She smiles sadly. "I understand, Natara. I'm going to go sit down now. Maybe we can talk afterwards?"

"Sure," I say, and return to my searching.

Finally, it is my turn to walk down the aisle. My father isn't here because of his "work," but that's alright. I've always been independent, and this is just another chance to show that quality. Or that's what I've convinced myself of, anyway.

Everyone in front of me was now making their way down the aisle, leaving only me to begin walking, alone. As I lift my foot to take a shaky, nervous step forward, I feel a breeze from the door opening hit me again. How many people come late to weddings these days? I look behind me and my heart skips a beat.

"Hello, Natara. I must offer my congratulations. Mal's a lucky guy."

"You didn't seem to think so when you had your chance," I spit at him. "What do you want, Oscar?"

"I see you're alone back here," he observes coolly. "May I be so bold as to offer to give you away?"

"I don't think Mal would like that very much," I say.

"Of course, my bad. He does probably still have an internal promise to kill me. I don't blame him," Oscar says, losing all pretenses. "Natara, I'm so sorry."

"Right," I say coldly. "Well, that's cleared up. Now I really must be getting going. They're expecting me up there."

I put my foot forward to walk and not two steps later, Oscar grabs my arm.

"Let go," I growl and grit my teeth.

He shushes me. "Let's go, they're expecting you."

We slowly make our way forward and I do my best to stay as far away from Oscar as is possible while walking down a narrow aisle.

"I didn't want to leave you," Oscar whispers urgently as we walk.

"I don't see how it would have been hard not to," I answer coldly. "It's pretty easy to do, not leaving. I did it."

"You don't understand. Please, just give me a chance to explain, Nat."

"Never," I mutter darkly, "ever, call me that again."

"I love you, Natara Williams. I never stopped. You have to let me explain-"

He stops talking and I have no need to ask why. I make my face as apologetic as I can, in response to Mal's look of pure venom. He steps forward to take me from Oscar and his grip is slightly tighter than necessary on my arm.

"I guess I am worried sometimes," he whispers to me. "You were right."

I look up but his face shows only anger. Oscar walks away and sits in a front pew.

The wedding ceremony commences but I tune it all out. Mal and I are having one of our many silent conversations.

"_Have you ever had one of those relationships where you were so close, you don't even need to speak to know what each other are thinking?" Mal asked. "Well, of course you _always _know what everyone is thinking. But have you ever been that close with someone?"_

_I frowned. I hadn't. "No," I admitted. "Were you and Sandra like that?"_

_He scowled. "Not in the slightest." He paused, hesitant to say something. "I think…I think when someone is like that with you, it's true love. I guess I've never had that. You haven't?"_

"_No." I stared at him as he gives me a funny, indecipherable look. "What?"_

_He laughed. "Nothing. It was stupid. Never mind."_

"_Tell me!" I laughed too. "Please?"_

"_Maybe we can have silent conversations." He winked jokingly. "We haven't tried."_

"_How do you even go about that?"_

_His eyes flicked down to his food, then mine, then he licked his lips and wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed at his expression, but knew exactly what he meant._

"_No, Mal," I tease. "You may _not _have my food! I don't care if you know it's better than yours!"_

_His eyes widened and I laughed again. "Well," he murmured. "I guess that was sort of obvious."_

_Every day since then, when we were at work, he would attempt to communicate silently with me from across rooms, around people, and when he got bored. Eventually, it caught on, and we began to know each other so well that we didn't even need to look at one another. I knew what he wanted me to do before he said it, and vice versa. That's why we were such good partners._

'Why is he here?' Mal's eyes asked angrily.

'I didn't know he'd be here. I didn't even know where he was since that night.'

He looked down. 'Whatever.'

Great, he's mad again. This is such a wonderful way to begin our marriage. Maybe I'm not ready, I think bitterly. Maybe he's right. I'm not ready for fighting like a husband and wife. I miss when things weren't complicated.

"…speak now, or forever hold your peace."

I realized I was holding my breath as the priest said it, but I didn't know why. My eyes scanned the crowd daringly, and halted on a man in the front row who was standing.

He opens his mouth to speak and there is an audible gasp from the rest of our guests. _No_, I think desperately. _This is _not _happening to me._

"I object to this marriage."

I swear, the look on Mal's face is murderous. If I could communicate with Oscar silently as well, I'd tell him to run for his life. Before Mal punches him in his handsome little face.


	5. Sweet Preserve

_How long has it been since I last updated? Jesus it's been forever! But never fear, I am back. I was writing a lot of other stuff, not least of which being other fanfics. I apologize for that. I know I have an incredible amount of unfinished fanfics on here, so I've decided not to post the one I wrote. But see, that's how my brain works. I lay down and try to fall asleep but I roll around until it's four in the morning and then I grab my phone and stories spill out. It's terribly inconvenient._**  
**

_I feel like I have so much to say and I don't want to forget any of it. :c_

_Okay, first order of business. Curiosity. Isn't it amazing? Did you guys see the pictures? I, personally, am fully supportive of further exploration of Mars because I would personally love living there. I know that's probably pretty far ahead, but I would love to be a resident of __freaking _Mars_! For those of you who aren't aware, Curiosity recently landed successfully on the Gale Crater on Mars and has cameras and lasers that can explore it further for us. I encourage you to read more about it. I personally learned about it when I was on CNN, but you can find it, I'm confident, on any news site._

_Secondly, I am a nerd. I say that in the most positive sense. And for that reason, I need your **HELP**. So, putting Halloween itself aside, my best friend is having a costume party in the beginning of October for her sixteenth birthday. And I have two costumes I would _love _to wear (and put together, for that matter), but I can't seem to decide, nor can the people in the vicinity. So I'm asking for you to help. **We'll have a**_** vote _on it._**_ If you would like to vote for Costume A, just put an A at the end of your review. If you'd like Costume B better, put a B. (This also gives you the pleasant opportunity to review my chapter if you haven't already!) So here are the options._

_Costume A: Phineas Gage. If you don't know who he is, I would suggest you look him up, but I'll just give a brief summary here. In the 1840s he got a tamping rod shot through the left frontal lobe of his brain. The doctors told his family to prepare for the worst, but he ended up living. He did act differently, and after twelve more years of life, he died from seizures. So basically, it would be fairly bloody. I wanted this costume because Phineas made major differences in our life. Because of him, we know that the brain can be operated on without death resulting. We also know that the brain makes us who we are, not the heart (from his change of personality)._

_Costume B: Fluttershy, from _My Little Pony_. That would pretty much consist of yellow jeans and a yellow Fluttershy t-shirt. With, of course, a pink wig or spraying my hair pink. I think it'd be fairly cool. But the other ponies would be cool as well, just different colors. (Edit: Oh and Fluttershy would have wings.) So if you'd think a different pony would be cooler, just let me know in the reviews with your letter B!_

_Thirdly, I _do _have another story that I think is fairly good. It's a _bit _more serious and I dedicated it to my mother. I know I have an excessive amount of unfinished fanfics and that, with everything that's going on, I probably wouldn't update it a lot (maybe not even more than once a month), but let me know if you'd like me to post it, because I'd be happy to do so._

_Fourth, I don't know why, but I'm in the mood for _your _opinions. Which I don't think that's a bad idea, because I love getting your opinions; they mean so much to me! I admit it is a little weird, them not pertaining to my stories at all, but I actually have a reason for this one. And I'll explain that after you vote._

_Okay, I'm getting a new backpack TOMORROW, so vote quickly._

_1. Light pink  
2. Light purple  
3. Light blue  
4. Other (specify)_

_I just thought it'd be cool. I will have this backpack for, probably, over a year and I'll obviously be spending quite a bit of time with it. So, I was thinking that if I had a color that you all picked together, I would remember it every time I looked at it. I'm hoping, possibly, slightly, it would motivate me to write more if I looked at it and thought of all of my fanfiction readers. Maybe that's lame, but I don't really care! :3 Please let me know!_

_This is possibly the longest author's note of all time. So I just have one last thing, and I _swear _I'll stop. If I think of anything else, I'll write it down and save it for next time!_

_The thing I've been working on (the thing keeping me from updating this for you! D:) is a novel. I'm about twenty chapters into it, and I would _love, love, LOVE _some input. So, if you're interested (and only if you really want to), you can e-mail me at theartofnotwriting at aol . com (I hope that shows up.) and I will send you the first chapter of it! I'm really excited and I am sort of half-pleased with the way the first chapter turned out. So if you'd like, please do that and also, please review!_

_Hey, it's something else to read, right? We all get bored eventually. (;_

_Enjoy!_

_Edit: I apologize from the bottom of my heart, I know I swore I would wait and wouldn't add anything else, but this truly is important. I'm thinking about changing my fanfiction name to The Art of Not Writing, if possible. Let me know what you think about that, too!_

_So many opinions... So many..._

_Enjoy for real this time! c;_

* * *

**Deviate  
Chapter Five – Sweet Preserve**

"_Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs;  
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;  
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears;  
What is it else? A madness most discreet,  
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet."  
-Romeo and Juliet, 1.1.191-5_

I want things to be simple. I want things to be decided for me. I want things to work out how they are intended, and to skip the pain in between learning and deciding.

Oscar shouldn't be protesting to my marriage. He left me. He left me years ago. I have hated him for years. I love Mal now. I should be screaming at him. I should be telling Mal that it's all a big mistake. I should be doing more than standing here in shock. But I'm not.

Because I just realized why Mal had fear in his eyes when I found him on the mountain.

He lied to me. I asked if he was scared. If he was nervous about the wedding, about getting remarried. He didn't want to worry me; I know that feeling. I didn't want him to know I was worried either. But he is afraid; he's afraid I'll do what Sandra did to him so long ago.

I brush off the pain I feel at the prospect of him thinking I would hurt him in that way. I know he trusts me; it's just hard to enforce that trust after it's been betrayed so thoroughly.

I try to keep the pity I feel out of my eyes as I look at him, but he just returns my gaze with anger. I don't blame him. Oscar being here is like a premonition of the betrayal I would be sure to bestow on him.

"Mal, I-"

He cuts me off by shaking his head in defeat and walking back down the aisle and straight out of the chapel.

"No!" I shriek. "You!" I stride over to Oscar who shrinks in apparent fear. "You've ruined everything you _asshole_! Why did you have to come here? Why now? Why today?"

"Because I love you?" he says meekly.

"You would have freaking married me years ago if you had loved me! I don't know what made you come here or how you really feel, but whatever it is, it isn't love!"

"Natara, please…!" he begs, but I'm already storming out of the chapel after Mal. I have bigger things to worry about right now.

* * *

"Mal," I say for the umpteenth time. "Please talk to me. I didn't have anything to do with him being there. I swear, I had no clue he would show up."

He finally looks at me, but his eyes are sad. They look hurt, lost, broken. They look defeated.

He wordlessly walks over and places a gentle, lingering kiss on my lips. Then he turns away, and walks out of our house.

* * *

It's been two weeks since Mal left and didn't come back. I waited and continued with my life, thinking he would be back, for four days. On the fifth, I stopped leaving my house. Amy came over; she has been nice. We've caught up quite a bit since she left.

"I just don't understand," I say one day, curled up on my bed. "Why does everyone in my life find some point to leave? Can they not stand being around me for extended periods of time?"

Amy gives me an uneasy look, and it occurs to me that she is one of the people who left. I open my mouth to apologize but she shakes her head.

"Natara, it has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. You're amazing," she says. "That's why you haven't left any of us. Especially," she adds, "after we've left _you_."

"What am I supposed to do without him?" I choke out. "How could he leave me like this?"

"He just needs some time," Amy says gently. "Give him time. You have all of the time in the world to give. There is no rush."

"But that's the point," I sob. "I don't have time."

"What do you mean?" Amy says.

_I've always thought that everyone has one thing about them that differentiates them from others above all of their other characteristics. In other words, everyone has a "thing." Mal believed that too. We talked about it, sometimes, when we were bored at work._

_We talked about what our talents were. We talked about our dreams. We talked about our desires._

"_Okay," Mal said. "So, what's my 'thing'?"_

_I laughed, thinking. "When I think of you," I said slowly, "I think of funny. You're really funny; you always know how to make me laugh. But you're an amazing detective as well. You're handsome, and sweet, and tough all at once."_

_He blushed slightly. "So which is it?"_

"_I think you're just special, Mal," I teased him. "You're, like, divergent."_

_He laughed at this and I said, "What's mine?"_

"_Well that's …complicated."_

"_Explain," I said._

"_Well, you're, like, amazing."_

"_I suppose that's a good thing to be." I smiled._

"_No, really. Okay, you're the _best _profiler in the FBI, I'm sure. You're pretty funny yourself. You're gorgeous." I blushed at that. "And you're basically a genius."_

"_So which is it?" I said quietly._

"_Oh, none of them," he replied._

"_Oh?"_

"_I don't agree that one characteristic of a person is what defines them as who they are," he explained._

"_But you said…," I hesitated. "Then what does?"_

"_I think it could be either their deepest fear, or their deepest desire."_

"_Hm." I thought for a moment about that. "My deepest fear is being unable to be loved, I guess. Which sort of plays into my deepest desire."_

"_Oh? And what is that?" he asked._

_I laughed. "You tell me first!"_

"_Nah," he replied. "Mine aren't as exciting. You go."_

"_Fine," I said quietly. "My deepest desire is to get married and…and to have a family."_

"Natara?" Amy looked at me carefully. "What's the matter?"

"Amy, he _left _me. He just left. I can't believe he would even have the nerve…!" I sigh and all of the fight and anger goes out of me, replaced by despair.

"Amy," I whispered nervously, "I'm pregnant."


	6. Simplicity

_Sorry I haven't updated this story in a while, I was finishing up The State of Kings. To be completely honest, I have no idea what even happened in that fanfic. Like, I don't even know how I got to where it ended. Spoiler: To those who haven't read it, it goes basically from moving to kissing to sleeping to cheating to screwing to kidnapping to watching torture to being tortured (to the brink of death) to the hospital to a kiss to death. Honestly, I did not see that coming. But anyway, sure, why not. I sort of like it though, because of the title mostly. I'm proud of that title. XD_

_In other news, to those who are interested, I got my backpack! So there was a mixture of votes and a lot of indecision and anxiety and panic in choosing, but you will be happy to know that what I picked can satisfy everyone! The outside is gray with a cool flowery-ish design. The zippers are purple, and on the inside there is a tie-dyed-ish design that is pink AND purple AND blue. How fracking awesome is that?_

_So I'm happy to be back to this story. I hope it turns out nice. I don't exactly know what's happening though. O.O Ah well, it'll end fabulously. But I do have a lot of revisions to do on my book and (summer) homework to do and music to listen to so I'll leave you to it then._

_I think this chapter may be a little short? I don't know, but I was looking at my word count and it's looking pretty high for this story, so I'm fairly proud._

_For those of you that haven't already, you should listen to _Crime Dramas Suck _by Hank Green. It's a great song. :3 And it sort of reminds me of Cause of Death because...well...you'll see._

_Enjoy and review pretty please? I love you, my beautiful ponies! :D_

_DFTBA, Sami._

* * *

**Deviate  
Chapter Six - Simplicity**

_"The truth resists simplicity." -John Green_

"Maybe it isn't related," I mutter to myself. I am sitting the floor of the living room in my house and there are papers spread haphazardly around me. There are open manila folders and loose files and even notes I've written myself on the backs of napkins. "Maybe it's all a coincidence."

But I know it is related, all these recent murders. My life is too complicated for them to be simple cases; there must be another serial killer running rampant in San Francisco. After all, the truth resists simplicity.

Twelve murders in twelve days, twelve separate homicide cases becoming one. Another of Genevieve's psychopathic children, or someone more self-sufficient? I take another look at the fifth file that is laid near my left foot.

"Male, blonde hair, blue eyes. Wearing blue shirt when found. Bullet through head, no gun on scene."

That rules out suicide, I presume. I look over at File Eleven, one of the more recent findings.

"Female, blonde hair, blue eyes. Wearing pink/red dress when found. Cuts on chest (near heart) and face. Non-fatal marking around neck."

None of it makes sense. The causes of death are completely random and the genders differ in no obvious pattern that I can make out. The only thing related is their hair and eye colors, which seems fairly extraneous to me.

I set down File Eleven and pick up my coffee mug from the floor. As I finish off the remains of the steaming beverage, there is a knock on the door. Amy and I have reacquainted ourselves fairly well recently, but she knows I'm working; she dropped all of the paperwork off for me anyway. She wouldn't be interrupted. Confused, I stand and cross the room to the mahogany door and open it.

"Hey," Mal says. "I'm, uh, back, you know, if you don't…"

"Mal!" I shriek and throw my arms around him, knocking the breath out of him. After I let go, he stares at me awkwardly and apologetically. We stand there for several minutes just watching each other before I start hitting him.

"What – the – _hell _– were – you – thinking?" I scream, punctuating each word with a slap, generally aimed at his arms.

"Jesus, Natara!" He backs away. "Calm down, I came back to explain!"

"Well," I say, "I'm busy. Sorry."

"Work?" he asks, genuinely curious. "Do we have a new case?"

"It's been two months," I inform him coldly. "_I _have a new case. You've been MIA for _two months_, you asshat."

"Don't be so dramatic," he says weakly, gaining another scowl from me.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say. "I thought we were supposed to be married. I thought we had a wedding in process. I must be mistaken."

"Nat, you can't really be _mad_," he answers exasperatedly.

"Mad?" I repeat. "_Mad_? Oh no, why would I be mad? My – I don't even know what you are, fiancée? Ex-husband? Partner? – disappeared off the face of the earth for two freaking _months_. Two months, Malachi Fallon, does that sound normal to you?"

"He came to our wedding, Natara. Oscar was at our wedding."

"You don't say?"

"You don't understand why I hate him, Natara. You never will."

I guess he expects me to think he hates Oscar because Oscar left me and hurt me, but I do understand. God, do I understand better than Mal will ever know. He obviously underestimates my abilities to keep a secret and to eavesdrop.

_I stopped outside of the office Mal and I shared at the precinct because I heard voices. After debating the consequences internally, I leaned against the door frame casually and turned my ear to the door. Inside there was a muffled argument, and I immediately recognized the voice of my partner Mal Fallon._

"_Don't hurt her, Oscar," Mal said. "Don't _ever _dream of it."_

_I heard the easy laugh of my fiancé Oscar Santos then, followed by, "What are you talking about?"_

"_Don't hurt Natara," Mal repeated, catching me slightly off guard. "Don't ever. I swear to God, Oscar, if you hurt her…"_

"_You'll what?" Oscar laughed again. "Hunt me down?"_

_It struck me as odd that Oscar was laughing, wasn't swearing that he wouldn't hurt me when I married him. It was slightly unsettling._

"_Oscar, goddamn it, if you do hurt her…"_

"_Then I'll be far away," Oscar said. "Trust me, I don't want to get in a fight with you and her against me."_

_He still hadn't promised not to hurt me, which is what Mal wanted, I realized. He was just joking about it, as far as I could tell._

"_Oscar…" Mal began again._

"_I know you're jealous," he said suddenly. "I know you wish you were marrying her and not me."_

_There was silence on the other side of the door._

"_You wish you could be with her like I am," Oscar continued. "That you could hug her whenever you want. Kiss her any time. Tell her you love her, propose..." He laughed. "See how amazing she is in bed…"_

_At which point I heard several yells and a bang. It was pretty loud and attracted the attention of more than just me, so I decided I should probably move._

_Five minutes later, I watched from across the room as several people flooded back out of the office, separating Mal from Oscar, who had mysteriously acquired a black eye, and refused for the next several weeks to tell me how he got it. Eventually I stopped pestering him and the matter dropped, but I had my suspicions. Always._

"Mal," I say and my tone softens considerably. "It doesn't matter. That was our day, not his. It would have killed him to see us get married even after he interrupted. It would have killed him that we were happy. We _could _have been happy."

He frowns. "I know." And I suspect that is as much of an apology as I will get for the time being. "So what are you working on?"

I smile begrudgingly and walk back over to where my papers are spread across the floor. "A new case," I explain. "It's lucky you're here because I don't see how these murders could be connected."

"Maybe they aren't?" he says, sitting down on the carpeting with me and I give him a look. He laughs. "Yeah, you're right. Our lives aren't that simple, are they?"

He picks up a few of my notes and starts reading them and I watch him. His eyes slip across the papers quickly, skimming them to get an idea of what we're doing. His nose scrunches up when he reads the causes of death and his eyes widen when he sees the physical similarities. His face goes back to its 'thoroughly confused' state when he can't find anything yet either.

"No," I say. "No, they aren't."

And I smile.


End file.
